THIS blog is about lots of things – loss, grief, rebirth,
life-changing transformations, breaking boundaries, refusing to settle for less.
Hopefully, everyone will find some common ground, something
that mirrors their experiences. If I can inspire one person to change their life
for the better, convince one person all is not lost or show one person how to
believe in a brighter future, I’ll be a very happy man.
This page is all about striving to make the most of every
second of this precious life we’ve been blessed with. To fill each minute with
60 seconds worth of distance run.
It’s about challenging yourself to go places nobody thought
you were capable of.
It’s about doing all this to honour a loved one. This Friday
is the second anniversary of Diane’s passing and as you might expect, it’s a
pretty dark time.
I still sit and talk to her in my head but when I look
across at where she always sat, she’s still not there. I keep thinking she
might suddenly reappear and everything will be OK again, but I know that’s not
going to happen. Pain and grief aren’t the main emotions anymore, those are the
shock reactions to loss which are the first to fade. I just feel sad, that’s
all. There’s no better way to describe it. A little three-letter word which
manages to sum up the mad whirl of emotions that are racing around my head in
this, the most awful week of the year.
But with that sadness comes a determination to never let her
go. She is still very much with me and she still guides me. Towards the end of
last year, she went away for a while but in the last couple of weeks she has returned
to steer me back on course. It shows how much I relied on her in life and how
much I still depend on her to help me make the right choices.
She fills my heart and mind and I talk to her every day. So
I’m lucky. Two years ago next week, we gathered to celebrate her life as we
said our last goodbyes to her as we had known her. That’s what must be my focus
now. Celebration. 20 glorious years with one of the kindest, most generous
people you could ever meet. And that 20 years is hers and mine forever. I cherish every
moment I spent with her and I continue to cherish every moment still. Even after all that has happened, we are still together.
She is running with me again, and when the days threaten to
get scarily dark, she is there to light the way. Running With Diane – look up
and not down, ahead and not behind. That’s what I promised her two years ago.
And that’s what I must continue to do, for her.
We have such happy memories. But the miracle is that every
day she creates new ones for me. What I have done so far in turning my life
around has been done with her – we’ve created these moments together. I couldn't have done it without her guiding me. And
whatever I achieve in the future, that will be us doing it, not just me.
So I promise you, Diane, that this year will be bigger and
better than last year. And every year that follows will outdo the last. That’s
my pledge. My way of honouring you.
Thanks for sticking with me still, and not
giving up on me. Cancer tried to separate us. But it failed.
