Monday, 11 November 2013

'I strive to be as good as her, but it's tough'

SO the clock is ticking (see the last post) and my first attempt at a marathon comes ever closer. It’s fair to say I think about it a lot – some days with excitement and relish, others with abject fear.
Then I remember what this is all about.
This is not about running 26 miles. This about running a lifetime, one which began in Salford one of those lifetimes ago. It is a journey run by Diane Beevers, a brave and courageous woman who was snatched from me by cancer on February 6, 2013.
But her journey hasn’t ended. It’s my job, my role in life now, to make sure it never does.
She still fills my heart, my thoughts and I still turn to her for help. The essence of what made her Diane, what made her so perfect, will never be lost. Cancer – or anything else for that matter – can’t get at that thing that made her special. Everyone who has lost a loved one knows that to be true.
Sure, it can attack her body, and it did so brutally, but it can’t touch the spirit of who she was. And so she will always be here, guiding me, ticking me off when I screw up and pushing me to be better than I am. I still feel the need to prove myself to her, especially now.
I strive to be as good as her but it’s tough.
That’s what this is all about, I think. Doing her justice. Trying to be half as wonderful as she was and to make her proud of me.
That’s why I have launched Running With Diane. Helping her help others now in the same way she was always so ready to help others when she was alive.
And yes, there’s guilt in there. Guilt at not having cherished each moment with her as much as I should have.
Someone snapped their fingers, and Diane was taken. That’s how it felt because it all happened so quickly in the end. And I hadn't said I loved her often enough. We always had fun together and (honestly) rarely quarrelled if at all. Certainly no raised voices in 20 years. But still it fells like I could have laughed more with her, loved her more, cherished her more.
Look at the person you love most and imagine them not there. Horrible thought, isn’t it. We shudder and convince ourselves not to think about it.
But trust me, think about it.
Think about it every minute of every day and thank whatever God you follow that they’re still beside you right now. And show them every minute of every day how you feel about having them around.
We can’t do anything about when we die, but we can always make the time between now and then better.

No, this isn't about running 26 miles (and a bit). It's about much bigger, more important things than that. It's about loss, grief, guilt, anger, pain, injustice... all coming together in a need to make a difference. So join up, share with your friends on Twitter and Facebook and shout it from the rooftops. The bigger the Running With Diane mob becomes, the more good we can do and the more people we can help.

No comments:

Post a Comment